Desert Gift Read online

  She pressed her fingers against her breastbone. Was it heartburn? Not the kind that plagued her when she was pregnant, but the kind inflicted by such emotional pain it felt like her heart was being seared.

  “Maybe he didn’t leave you,” her seatmate said.

  Jill opened her eyes.

  Miss Sullen shrugged. “You said you ‘think’ he left you. If you don’t know for sure, maybe he didn’t.”

  “Maybe he didn’t.” Jill sighed. “Out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce.”

  “Out of the blue?”

  “Yes. The thing is, I can’t figure out why he would. I mean, of course I’ve gone over my obvious, most glaring faults. I talk too much. I drag him to events he doesn’t give a hoot about. He wanted four kids but I said no after one. I ignore his parents a lot. I don’t cook. I really don’t like his office manager. I threw his baseball cards into the trash. It was a mistake—I didn’t mean to, but I did it. And I spend an arm and a leg every three weeks for this.” She grabbed a fistful of frosted blonde hair. Its carefree style cut exactly one inch below her earlobes remained undisturbed.

  Miss Sullen’s brows inched upward.

  Jill went on. “But that’s just everyday life, you know? It’s what he married. Piled up for twenty-four years with no serious complaint out of him, do they create a motive? I don’t think so. But what about the big-deal stuff? the stuff that really matters?”

  The woman’s eyes were wide open now.

  Jill slid into familiar territory, her tone confident. “The big-deal stuff is definitely in the plus column. Jack and I talk openly about everything, and I mean everything. We always have. We like each other. Physical intimacy is very good. We attend church together. We go on dates regularly. We spend time with mutual friends. He loves his work. I love mine. Our son is a mature young adult. As far as I know, that covers it. And trust me, I know a lot about marriage.”

  The brows disappeared behind Miss Sullen’s bangs. “You sure sound like you do.”

  “Well, I’ve studied it for years. I speak at women’s conferences about it and teach it to a women’s Sunday school class. Have for years.” Instantly her jaw locked again. Her cheeks flushed. The gush of boldness ebbed, like water circling a drain. She heard its sickening slurp.

  “So,” the woman said, “you’re like an expert.”

  “Um, sort of.” The doubts were piling up faster than last night’s snow. She wasn’t about to explain that not only did she speak on the subject, she hosted a syndicated radio show devoted to it. And not only that—she had even written a book about it.

  “Then you know what this is about.”

  Jill met the young woman’s dark eyes, more somber than sullen, wiser than thirtysome years awarded. Her black cashmere sweater did not quite reach the top of low-rise jeans. Her tall boots were of soft leather. Silver bangles clinked on her wrists; a huge diamond flashed on her left hand.

  Jill said, “How do you know?”

  “My husband is fifteen years older. We met at the beginning of his crisis.”

  Crisis.

  As in midlife crisis.

  On any other day up until this day, Jill would have asked the woman a gazillion questions and taken notes. She must be a gold mine of information. She was the prototype of the Younger Woman whose path crossed the Older Guy’s as he bounced around in a confused state of dipping hormones or dying career or diminishing whatever.

  But right now Jill was not pulling out her pen and pad. Right now she was imagining Jack grinning at a beauty half his age.

  “Then again—” the woman slid her headset over her ears—“maybe he just has the flu.” She picked up her book and began reading again.

  Jill leaned her head against the seat back and closed her eyes. “Midlife crisis and divorce.” She whispered the dreaded words as if tasting a kumquat. Their unfamiliar acidic flavor settled on her tongue. Did she have to get used to it?

  Tears stung.

  I vote for the flu.

  * * *

  Agonizingly long hours later at the Los Angeles airport, Jill greeted Gretchen MacKelvie curbside with a quick squeeze. “Hi.”

  “Where’s Jack?”

  “Home. Flu.”

  Gretchen held her at arm’s length. Taller than Jill’s five-two by several inches, she was large-boned with long, wavy brown hair and full lips. “Flu.”

  “Yes.”

  Gretchen’s left eye narrowed; the other flashed neon green. Her ski-slope nose twitched. She had perfected the matronly glare long before she’d turned forty-two. “What’s up with the incomplete sentences, Miss Jaws?”

  Jill glared back at her. “It’s either flu or midlife crisis. I’m going with flu.”

  “Jill! What happened?”

  “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He just didn’t feel like coming.” She shrugged off Gretchen’s hands. “Is that your rental? The security guy’s heading for it.”

  “Like I care. Stand still and talk to me.”

  Ignoring her friend, Jill rolled her luggage hastily toward the car, calling out to the guard. “We’re here! We’re coming.”

  “You can’t park there, ma’am.”

  “Got it!”

  Nodding, he strode past.

  Gretchen muttered to herself, aiming her key ring at the car. “Can’t even park for five minutes. Curses on terrorists everywhere.” The trunk popped open. Together they loaded the cases. “What do you mean he didn’t feel like coming? I just saw him on Sunday. He was looking forward to his vacation.”

  “Yeah, well, evidently his vacation wasn’t this one.”

  “Is it because of his car accident on Tuesday night?”

  “That was no big deal. Few stitches on his head. He put on his Cubs hat and went back to work the next morning. The thing is, he said he . . .” Lockjaw set in again. Jill forced the words through clenched teeth. “He said he wants a divorce.”

  Gretchen gasped.

  Jill slammed the trunk lid shut. “He got sick. Hormones, midlife gear switching, flu, whatever. He’ll get better.”

  “No. Way. You’re spinning this, aren’t you? You’re making it palatable. Next you’re going to say God works all things together for good.”

  “Well, He does. Meanwhile, you and I have our own work to do.”

  “Jillian Galloway, this is huge. A divorce? Oh, my gosh! Why aren’t you bawling your head off?”

  “I already did, somewhere over Colorado.”

  “Malarkey. Your mascara isn’t smudged, not even a tiny bit.”

  “Fixed it over Nevada.”

  “Oh, Jillie.”

  “Ladies!” The security guard neared again, making a show of flipping open his ticket pad.

  They hurried around to the car doors and climbed inside.

  Within moments Gretchen eased the car into the traffic. She sighed heavily. “Don’t you ever get tired of squeezing the lemons? We do not need any lemonade, sweetums. Not today.”

  Jill disagreed. She would have said so, but her jaw was too busy forming itself around a wail.

  Chapter 2

  Chicago

  Jack awoke slowly, like a bear from a long winter’s nap, the tickle of spring in his nose.

  Or were those icicles forming?

  With a groan, Jack rolled onto his back. The bedroom lay in semidarkness, a sure sign that the afternoon still belonged to the dead of winter. His cold nose reminded him that he had not turned up the thermostat before pulling on sweats and crawling under the covers that morning. Morning? Had it been merely hours ago that exhaustion hit him like a two-by-four?

  He glanced at the clock on the nightstand next to Jill’s side of the bed. No digital lights glowed.

  “Oh, God, what have I done?”

  He rubbed his hands over his face. Crusted tear tracks were more prominent than the stubble.

  In his entire life, Dr. Jackson Galloway had never been prone to losing it. Too many people counted on his steadiness, his levelheadedness. As an only child, he
’d always been there for his parents, more so now as they aged. Then there was his son, his patients, their families, his staff.

  His wife.

  She would be in L.A. by now, having analyzed the situation ad nauseam and concluded—he would bet his practice on it—that he was in the throes of a midlife crisis. He would soon be pilfering cool clothes from his son’s closet, buying a red sports car, and trolling in singles bars for hot babes.

  He’d rather eat dirt.

  Without a doubt something had snapped inside him. He said words he had not rehearsed, not even imagined. They simply popped out, a horrific announcement to Jill after which he shooed her into the cab. His tears had started before he reached the front door. They continued as he unplugged and removed batteries from every single clock in the house and stopped the living room clock’s pendulum.

  After a lifetime of diagnosing, Jack just wanted to not think for a change. He wanted to put his brain on hold. He had reached the end of some rope that morning. For now, he would follow the age-old prescription to get plenty of rest.

  Right after the phone call.

  With another groan, Jack flung back the covers and planted his feet on the carpet. He turned on a lamp, picked up his cell, and without checking the time or messages, hit the two and Send.

  “Jack!”

  “Hi—” He almost added “angel.” Angel? It was his old pet name for Jill. Ages ago, when he first spotted her across a crowded sidewalk, angelic was his impression. She resembled a Raphael-type cherub with blonde curls and rounded cheeks, smiling as if on the brink of erupting with excitement. No wonder he had made it a point to speak to her, a complete stranger. She spoke in return, eyes bluer than the California sky. At the sound of her whispery, musical voice, he was riveted. Her vivacious manner prompted him to ask her to dinner.

  “Jack! Talk to me!” The curls were long gone, but not her wired nature.

  He pulled on his earlobe. “Hi. Did you get there all right? Is Gretchen with you?”

  “Yes and yes. Listen, hon, I understand what you’re feeling. Well, as much as a female can anyway. You are going to be absolutely fine—better, even, because of this struggle. We’ll work together and get through it. Gretchen and I have been talking. I’ll just cancel engagements and be back home Monday night. Then we can—”

  “Jill! Stop it. Please.” His body felt like a rubber band, stretched to its limit. His fingers and toes tingled. His vocal cords ached. It wasn’t the first time he’d experienced the sensation. “What I said this morning, it hasn’t changed.”

  “You can’t say such a thing and not discuss it!”

  “I just called to check on you. Now I’m saying good-bye.”

  “Jackson Galloway!” Her voice rose high above its usual pleasantly soft tones. “Talk to me!”

  “I don’t have anything to say at this time.”

  “Well, I do!”

  “You always do, Jill. You always do. But right now I can’t listen to it. I’m sorry.”

  “And what does that mean?”

  He sighed. “Good-bye.”

  She did not respond.

  “Jill, we’ve always been civil to each other. It’s a cornerstone for disagreeing well.” Now he was quoting her advice to married people? He rubbed his forehead. “Please, I don’t want to hang up on you.”

  Silence.

  “Jill?”

  Nothing.

  He waited until it became evident that she had hung up on him.

  His wife invariably had the last word. Invariably. No matter what the subject or situation. She cruised through personal conversations as if she were on the radio, wrapping up an interview or signing off. He’d grown accustomed to the quirk. Now, in its absence, he realized how upset she must be.

  “Oh, God, what have I done?”

  He closed his phone.

  What he had done that morning—without forethought—was to stop denying.

  In recent weeks that rubber-band sensation had grown more pronounced, setting his typically calm nerves to crackling. He began to note what prompted it. A pattern developed.

  And then he went into denial.

  The stress of pretending it wasn’t happening intensified the pain, wrenching his nerves from head to toe, until that morning, as he stood at the front door with a travel bag over his shoulder, they snapped, leaving him all but paralyzed.

  He had no explanation, no understanding. He knew only that Jill triggered his pain. And now, in her absence, he felt no pain.

  Jack sighed again. “I’m sorry, angel. I am so sorry.”

  He put the phone on the nightstand and padded off to the kitchen, a hungry bear suddenly energized, awash in an inexplicable springlike warmth.

  Chapter 3

  Los Angeles

  Breathing was becoming an issue for Jill.

  Not an option, she told herself. Not an option. In five, four, three, two, one, the live radio interview would begin and for the first time ever, she was not the one asking the questions.

  Bouncy praise music faded and the lovely young brunette across the table spoke into her microphone. “It’s now six forty-five in the a.m., and here with me in the studio is well-known speaker Jillian Galloway.”

  As a toddler, Jill had been a breath holder. On several occasions, frustrated at whatever, she had even passed out. Which explained why, when she was seven and pretending to be a mermaid at the bottom of a pool, her father jumped in and yanked her to the surface. Eventually he calmed down and told her about Esther Williams, a famous movie star and swimmer.

  The announcer was talking. “You may know Jill from her syndicated program, Recipes for Marriage. It’s heard on our station Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings at nine thirty. Welcome to the West Coast, Jill.”

  Esther Williams made breath holding a thing of beauty. Jill could do that. She was not a drowning woman in need of oxygen. She was swimming, a mermaid gliding—

  “Jill. We’re glad to have you here.”

  She nodded.

  “And all the way from Chicago.” The announcer smiled.

  “Uh, thank you.” What was the woman’s name? “Kelly! Thank you. I’m glad to be here.”

  “Folks, this is a big day for Jill. Her first book was recently released. It’s called She Said, He Heard: A Guide to Marital Discourse. And like her interview show, it’s all about healthy communication in marriage.” Kelly was a natural on the air. Clad in comfy blue jeans and a T-shirt, she spoke in to-die-for dulcet radio tones. “Right, Jill?”

  “Right.” She smiled. She could do this. Despite the early morning hour on the heels of a sleepless night on a lumpy mattress in a two-star-billed-as-three hotel, despite Jack, she could do this.

  “You’ve been married for twenty-four years?”

  “Yes.”

  “Congratulations. Obviously you have some experience in marital discourse. We are curious, Jill. Tell us, what does a typical day in the Galloway household look like?”

  A typical day? Jack’s declaration yesterday annihilated typical.

  On second thought, she could not do this.

  Gretchen, seated at the end of the table, waved her arms frantically. When Jill looked at her, she touched her Adam’s apple and glared. Talk!

  Jill glared back.

  Gretchen mouthed, Get over it.

  It was what her friend had said last night. After Jill hung up on Jack and finished an ugly crying jag, Gretchen had given an ultimatum. “You know I love you and I don’t mean to be all business and harshness, but you have a choice. Invalidate everything you’ve accomplished and give up all your dreams, or get over it. There’s nothing else you can do until Jack is ready to talk. So get over it—not forever, but for this moment in time. For the interview, the lunch, the book signing.”

  It had sounded like a plan. That was before Kelly’s question about typical days.

  Kelly was still speaking, filling up what would have become dead air if she had waited for Jill to respond. “You talk and interv
iew guests about communicating in marriage. So what does that look like in real life?”

  Jill glanced around the small room. For her, it held all the elements of a security blanket. From the suspended microphones to the computerized control panel that looked like it belonged in the hands of a jet pilot. From the swivel seat to the big headphones that muffled the outside world and honed voices. She was okay.

  She said, “What does it look like in real life? Well, some days I just want to slug my husband.” She grinned at Kelly’s flinch. “Figuratively speaking. I see your wedding band, Kelly. How long have you been married?”

  “Four years.”

  “Bless you, child. You are just getting started. Well, a typical day in the Galloway household is basically twenty-first-century. Jack and I hit the floor running about six in the morning. By seven thirty we’re in our separate cars going our separate ways, which is a huge dilemma in today’s marriages. If we don’t carve out time for each other, we lose touch; we lose that heart-to-heart connection that most likely was the reason we married in the first place. In essence, we lose the reason to stay married.”

  “How do you and Jack carve out time for each other?”

  “In my book, I list the standard fare, such as Date Night. But the point is: how do couples communicate while on Date Night? That’s what makes Date Night work for you.” Jill jumped into spiel mode. She talked about her book, about what made it distinct from every other marital relationship how-to.

  She talked about what she wanted to talk about and she made it through to the final blah, blah, blah of Kelly’s wrap-up.

  She even made it out of the studio, smiling good-byes, chitchatting with Gretchen all the way to the car, mascara intact.

  They got into the car and fell silent.

  At last Gretchen spoke. “That went . . . okay. Pretty well, actually. Kelly looked a little dazed by the end, but hey. You were there to promote your book, not your marriage, which, like everyone’s, owns time-share in a doghouse.”

  “And visits on occasion.”

  “Right. You want to get your money’s worth.”